The Graduate Page 12

  On the morning after he had made his decision Benjamin got up early. He took a shower and then found a small suitcase in the attic that he had used at college and filled it with clothes and two sheets. He carried the suitcase and the pillow from his bed downstairs and into the kitchen to wait for his parents to get up. When his father came in Benjamin had finished a small breakfast and was sitting at the table with his hands folded in his lap.

  “You’re up early,” Mr. Braddock said. He noticed the suitcase on the floor with the pillow resting on top of it and was about to say something more when Benjamin interrupted him.

  “I’m going to marry Elaine Robinson,” he said.

  “What?”

  “I’m going to marry Elaine Robinson,” he said again.

  Mr. Braddock stood a moment longer where he was, then walked very slowly to the table and eased himself down into the chair across from his son.

  “Are you serious?” he said.

  Benjamin nodded.

  “You are serious.”

  “Yes.”

  Mr. Braddock slowly extended his hand. Benjamin shook it.

  “I’ll go tell your mother,” Mr. Braddock said. “Wait here.” He stood and hurried out of the kitchen. Benjamin cleared his throat and folded his hands again in his lap.

  Mrs. Braddock came into the kitchen wearing her bathrobe. “What is all the excitement about,” she said.

  “Tell your mother,” Mr. Braddock said.

  “I’m going to marry Elaine Robinson.”

  “What?”

  She frowned at Benjamin, then at Mr. Braddock.

  “Ben and Elaine,” Mr. Braddock said. “He says they’re getting married.”

  Mrs. Braddock stared back at Benjamin, then began shaking her head. “Oh Ben,” she said. She held out her arms. Benjamin stood and walked to her. She hugged him. “Oh Ben,” she said, “I’m crying.”

  Mr. Braddock pulled a white handkerchief out of his pocket. “Now let him go,” he said, handing it to his wife. “Let’s get the whole story here.” Mrs. Braddock took the handkerchief to dry her eyes. Benjamin returned to his chair.

  “Now,” Mr. Braddock said. He turned a chair around and straddled it backward. “Have you set the date yet.”

  “No.”

  Mrs. Braddock sat down and reached for one of her son’s hands.

  “Have you told the Robinsons yet,” Mr. Braddock said.

  “No.”

  “Let’s call them right now.”

  “No.”

  “You want to wait on that.”

  “Oh Ben,” Mrs. Braddock said. She began crying again.

  Benjamin cleared his throat. “I think I should tell you,” he said, “that Elaine doesn’t know about this yet.”

  Mrs. Braddock stopped dabbing at her eyes and lowered the handkerchief slowly from her face.

  “She doesn’t know about what yet,” Mr. Braddock said.

  “That we’re getting married.”

  “What?”

  “I just decided an hour ago to marry her.”

  Mr. Braddock glanced at his wife, then back at Benjamin. “Well you’ve certainly talked it over with her.”

  Benjamin shook his head.

  “But you’ve written her about it.”

  “No.”

  “Called her?”

  “No.”

  “Well good God, Ben,” Mr. Braddock said. “You get us all excited here, now you’re saying you haven’t even proposed?”

  “That’s what I’m saying.”

  Mr. Braddock stood. He looked down at the suitcase on the floor. “What’s all this about,” he said, pointing at it.

  “I’m driving up to Berkeley today.”

  “To propose to her?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Well,” Mr. Braddock said, taking his handkerchief back from his wife and stuffing it into his pocket, “this sounds kind of half-baked. What are you taking your gear up for.”

  “I’m moving up there.”

  “To live?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ben?” Mrs. Braddock said, frowning at him. “We thought you meant—”

  “Wait a minute,” Mr. Braddock said. “She’s up there finishing school. You plan to just go up there and live near her?”

  “Yes.”

  Mr. Braddock shook his head. “Ben, you can’t do that.”

  “That’s what I’m doing.”

  “You sit down and write her a letter,” Mr. Braddock said. “Call her on the phone. But you can’t go up there and pester that girl just because you have nothing better to do.”

  “I love her,” Benjamin said. He stood and leaned down to kiss his mother’s cheek. Then he picked up the suitcase and pillow from the floor.

  “Ben, listen to me,” his father said. “I’m sure you do love her. And I think this is a fine thing. You and Elaine. But good God, man!”

  Benjamin walked to the door.

  “But you hardly know the girl, Ben. How do you know she wants to marry you.”

  “She doesn’t yet.”

  “Well does she—does she like you?”

  “No.”

  “Well for God’s sake, Ben,” Mr. Braddock said, taking a step toward him and holding up one of his hands. “You can’t just barge up there and into her life like this.”

  Benjamin opened the door. “I’ll send my address,” he said.

  “Ben?

  ***

  “It was late in the afternoon when he drove into Berkeley and the streets were jammed with cars and people dodging in and out between them. He found his way to the main street of the town, parked in front of a hotel and got out. For a moment he stood watching students passing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of him, then pushed open the door of the hotel and walked in. An old man behind a desk looked up over the top of his newspaper.

  “Do you have any rooms left for tonight,” Benjamin said.

  The man nodded.

  “And do they have a phone.”

  “Some do.”

  “Good,” Benjamin said. “I’ll get my bag out of the car.” He turned around but then stopped and walked back to the desk.

  “Are there any good restaurants around here,” he said. “Quiet ones.”

  “Go down to the corner.”

  Benjamin walked out of the hotel and down the sidewalk to the corner. He read carefully a menu taped onto the glass outside the restaurant, then went in and looked around at the tables in the center of the room and the booths at the side. A waitress approached him with a menu.

  “I wondered if I should make a reservation if I want to eat dinner here later.”

  “You can if you’d like,” she said.

  “But does it get crowded here. Around eight o’clock.”

  “It’s hard to tell,” she said.

  Benjamin nodded. “I’ll make one then,” he said.

  “Your name?”

  “Braddock. Mr. Braddock.”

  “And how many in your party.”

  “Just two,” Benjamin said.

  “Two.”

  “Yes,” Benjamin said. “And I wonder if we could have that table over there.” He pointed to the booth in the farthest corner of the room.

  “Of course.”

  In Benjamin’s hotel room there was a telephone on a table beside the bed. After he had been shown into the room he sat down beside it and for a long time stared down at the telephone without picking up the receiver. Finally he picked it up but put it down quickly before there was an answer from the operator. He stood and walked to the window. On the sidewalk below students were walking back and forth and in and out of stores or standing in small groups talking. Benjamin put his hands in his pockets and watched them awhile, then removed his clothes and took a shower. After he had put on clean clothes and had carefully combed his hair, he sat down again on the bed beside the telephone. He cleared his throat and picked up the receiver.

  “Hello,” he said to the operator. “Could you please
give me the number of Elaine Robinson. She’s a senior at the university.”

  It was quiet for several moments.

  “She lives in Wendell Hall,” the operator said finally.

  “I see,” Benjamin said.

  “Shall I connect you, sir?”

  Benjamin opened his mouth but then closed it without answering.

  “Sir?”

  He cleared his throat.

  “Shall I connect you?”

  “No,” he said. “No thank you. I’ll call back later.”

  He ate dinner by himself in the coffee shop beside the hotel. When he finished he sat drinking coffee until just eight o’clock. Then he paid for his meal and walked out onto the sidewalk.

  “Excuse me,” he said to a student. “Could you tell me where Wendell Hall is, please.”

  The student pointed down the street. “Go down there and turn,” he said. “It’s in a big quadrangle.”

  Benjamin found his way to the dormitory but instead of going inside he read the name over the door and then sat down on a bench in the center of the quadrangle. He sat a long time looking down at the cement at his feet and glancing up quickly every time a girl came out the door. Finally he got up and walked out of the quadrangle and back to town. After he had sat for over an hour in a restaurant drinking beer and watching the other patrons, he got up and returned to the dormitory and went inside to a lobby A girl looked up from behind a desk at him.

  “Does Elaine Robinson live in here,” he said.

  The girl looked down at a list in front of her and nodded. “Room two hundred,” she said. “Shall I call her down?”

  “Yes,” Benjamin said.

  She reached for a telephone on her desk but just as she was about to dial, Benjamin held up one of his hands and began shaking his head.

  “I just—I just remembered something I have to do.”

  “You don’t want me to call her down?”

  “No,” Benjamin said, taking a step backward.

  “Is there a message?”

  “No. No thank you. I just remembered this thing I have to do.” He turned around and hurried out of the dormitory and back to town and inside a movie theater across the street from his hotel.

  ***

  In the morning Benjamin found a rooming house several blocks from Elaine’s dormitory and moved into a room on the second floor. Then he sold his car. A used car lot in town paid him twenty-nine hundred dollars in cash for it. He carried the money back to his room, put it in a drawer of his desk, then lay down on his bed and spent the rest of the afternoon on his back staring up at the ceiling.

  After a week he had still not seen Elaine. He walked several times each day past her dormitory, glancing at the girls going in and out of the front door, and often he sat on a bus bench across from the quadrangle watching them but not once did he see her. One afternoon he decided to ask the girl in the lobby to call her down again but as soon as he got inside the quadrangle he changed his mind and decided instead to write her a letter. At a drugstore across the street from his room he bought two quarts of beer and took them up to his room. He opened one and removed his stationery from the desk drawer and began to write.

  Dear Elaine,

  I am now living in Berkeley, after growing somewhat weary of family life. I have been meaning to stop by and pay my respects but am not entirely certain just how you feel about seeing me, after the incident involving myself and your mother. It was certainly a serious mistake on my part but not serious enough, I hope, to alter permanently your feelings about me. Your friendship means a great deal to me and it would be a burden off my mind to know that

  Benjamin read over what he had written, then leaned back in the chair with the quart of beer and drank it slowly, staring over the desk and out the window at the roof of a house across the street. When the first quart was gone he dropped it in the wastebasket and opened the second. When the second was gone he dropped it on the floor, went to the bathroom, then returned to his desk and began a new letter.

  Dear Elaine,

  I love you and I can’t help myself and I am begging you to forgive me for what I did. I love you so much I am terrified of seeing you every time I step out the door I cringe in terror that you will be there please help me please forget what I did I am helpless and hopeless and lost and miserable please help me please dear Elaine forget what I did please o god dear Elaine I love you I love you forget what I

  Benjamin got up without finishing the letter and fell down on his bed and went to sleep.

  The next day he saw her.

  He had just finished eating lunch at the university cafeteria and when he stepped out the door he saw her walking across a large pavilion below him, carrying an armload of books. He stopped and stared at her until she had passed the cafeteria, then hurried down the steps and followed her. She was walking quickly. Benjamin stayed several students behind her and turned to follow her up some steps and into a large building. She stopped at a drinking fountain. Benjamin stopped and watched her as she drank. When she finished drinking he followed her down a long hall. She turned in through the door of a classroom. Benjamin walked quickly past the open door and glanced in to see her setting her books down on the armrest of one of the seats and saying something to someone seated beside her. He stopped on the other side of the door.

  “Excuse me,” he said to a girl as she turned into the classroom.

  “What?”

  “How long is this class.”

  “What?”

  “This class,” Benjamin said. “How long does it last.”

  “An hour,” she said.

  Outside the building there were benches and several trees. Benjamin returned to the cafeteria to buy a newspaper, then for an hour moved from one bench to another, smoking cigarettes and glancing at the headlines of the newspaper. When the hour was over a bell rang inside the building. Benjamin stood. Students began appearing at the entrance of the building and walking in small groups down the steps. Benjamin moved next to a tree and looked quickly from the face of one student to the next as they came out. Elaine appeared carrying her books in her arms and talking to another girl. They stopped. Elaine said something to her and laughed, then left her at the top of the steps and began to descend. Benjamin tucked his paper under his arm. He pushed his hands down into his pockets and cleared his throat, then walked away from the tree and toward Elaine, looking straight ahead of him. Just as he reached her he stopped and turned. Elaine stopped suddenly and stood staring at him. Benjamin looked down at the pavement. For several seconds he cleared his throat.

  “Well,” he said finally. “Elaine.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Well,” Benjamin said, beginning to nod but still not looking up at her. “How—how are you. Are you fine?”

  A student passing by bumped him from behind. Benjamin turned to smile and nod at him. Then he cleared his throat again and looked back down at a point on the pavement beside Elaine’s shoes. “I thought—I thought I might be seeing you. I thought I remembered you were going to school up here.” He glanced up at her for a moment. She was still standing with her arms wrapped around the books and staring at him. He looked quickly down again. “I guess … I guess … let’s see what time it is.” He turned around and looked up at a large clock on a tower beyond several buildings. “Yes,” he said. “Well I’ve got to go now. Goodbye.”

  He hurried away from her, bumping into a student, then into another, then dodging in between several more and finally breaking away from the crowd and moving quickly back past the cafeteria building and to the street. A car honked at him and he jumped back up on the curb. He walked two blocks without stopping, then turned around and walked back across the block he had just covered and stopped in the center of the sidewalk to stare a moment at the passing traffic. Then he felt someone knock against him and he walked to a large wall at the edge of the sidewalk and slowly raised his hands up to cover his face.

  He saw her again several days late
r. It was a Saturday afternoon and it was raining. Benjamin was taking a walk. He had walked several blocks down from the university and along a broad street with stores on it and awnings that he went under when he wanted to get out of the rain. Elaine was standing at a bus stop. She was wearing a thin transparent raincoat and a small hat of the same plastic material over her hair. When he saw her Benjamin stopped suddenly and removed his hands from his pockets and looked at her a long time without moving. Then he hurried into a restaurant next to where he was standing. He sat down at a table beside the window and ordered a bottle of beer from the waitress. When it came he drank it quickly. There were large letters painted on the glass of the window. Sometimes he bent his head slightly to look around a huge green M at Elaine still standing in the rain at the bus stop, but usually he sat perfectly straight in the chair so that the M was directly between his face and Elaine.

  When he had finished the first bottle of beer he ordered another. While he was drinking it a bus pulled up to the curb and stopped. Benjamin stood quickly and looked out over the top of the M. The doors of the bus opened but Elaine shook her head at the driver and then the doors closed and the bus moved on. The waitress was standing beside his table.

  “Will that be all?” she said.

  “No,” he said. “One more.”

  She nodded.

  “Where’s the men’s room.”

  “In the rear, sir.”

  Benjamin hurried to the back of the restaurant and into the men’s room. He went to the bathroom and combed his hair, then returned to his table and quickly drank the bottle of beer waiting for him. When it was finished he stood and walked out of the restaurant and back into the rain. Elaine was standing at the edge of the sidewalk looking at a store-front on the other side of the street. Benjamin cleared his throat and walked toward her. Several feet behind her he stopped, cleared his throat again, and smiled. “Elaine?” he said, leaning slightly forward.

  She turned around quickly.

  Benjamin nodded. “I was just … I was just on a walk,” he said. “I thought it was you.”

  “Hey!”

  He turned around. There was a man in his shirt sleeves standing just outside the doorway of the restaurant holding a menu over his head to keep off the rain. “Want to pay for your beer?” he said.